Lying and
Stealing
Lying and stealing are common, but inappropriate, behaviors in
school-aged children. While some severe forms of
these behaviors can indicate a more serious psychological problem, most
of the time it is simply a common behavior that will be outgrown. Lying
and stealing are more common in boys than girls, and occur most often in
children ages 5 to 8 years.
Handling the situation when your
child is lying:When confronted with a child who is lying, it is important to
first remember the child's age and developmental stage. Children under
the age of 3 do not lie on purpose. This age group does not understand
what they are saying and instead are just experimenting with language
and new found facts about the world. They might also lie to avoid
punishment because they understand the consequences but have an
undeveloped moral code.
Children from the ages of 3 to 7 often have problems
separating the real world from fantasy. They might have imaginary
playmates at this age and enjoy fairy tales and make-believe play. The
lies told by this age group are mostly tales that they have made up, not
intentional lies. By the age of 6 or 7, however, children understand what lying
is, but will continue to cheat if able.
Children from the ages of 6 to 12 understand what
lying is and the moral wrongness of this behavior. However, children may
continue to lie in order to test adult rules and limits. The
child may admit to telling a lie, but usually he/she has many reasons for having
done so. Rules are very important at this age, so cheating becomes
less important.
Other factors that may cause a
child to lie:
-
Children
may lie if their parents' expectations of them are too high.
-
Children
may lie about their grades if parents assume that they are doing
better in school than they really are.
-
If
a child is asked why he/she did some bad behavior, the child may lie
because he/she is unable to explain the actions.
-
Children
who are not disciplined on a consistent basis may lie.
-
Children
who do not receive praise and reward may lie to get this attention.
When does lying become a concern?There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any
of these apply to your child, it is important to consult your
child's physician:
-
A
child who is lying and at the same time having other behavioral
problems such as setting things on fire, being mean to animals,
having sleep problems, or is very hyperactive, may have more
psychological problems.
-
Children
who do not have many friends or do not want to play in groups may
have poor self-esteem and be depressed.
-
Children lie in order to get something from someone else and do not show
any signs of regret.
Handling the situation when your
child is stealing:Stealing often causes more concern to parents because it may
happen outside the home and may affect other people. During the school
years, stealing may be a sign of a problem, but it may also be a result of peer
pressure and the need for the child to fit in. It is important to look
at the whole situation.
Children under the age of 3 take things because they do not
understand fully the difference between what is "mine" and what is
not. They then may become possessive of their things and protect them.
They do not steal with bad intentions.
Children between the ages of 3 and 7 begin to
respect things that belong to others. However, this age group will trade property
without regard to value if something else is wanted. The respect for
property continues in the school-aged child.
By the time the child is 9, the child should
respect the possessions of others and understand that stealing is wrong.
Children in this age group may continue to steal because of several
factors, including the following:
-
They
may feel peer
pressure and the need to fit in.
-
They
may have low self-esteem.
-
They
may not have any friends and are trying to "buy" their friends.
-
They
may try to become good at stealing to feel proud of something they
have done if they do not receive positive feedback from their
parents.
When does stealing become a
concern?There are multiple situations that may cause concern. If any
of these apply to your child, it is important to consult your
child's physician:
-
an older child that steals and does not feel
bad about it
-
a
child who constantly steals
-
if
other behavioral problems also exist in the child
Children older than age of 3 should be confronted
with any lying or stealing, but it is important to remember that most of
these behaviors are part of growing up and do not represent severe
problems. Each child is unique, and your child's physician should be involved
with any concerns.
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